:: Encore Theatre Magazine ::

Encore Theatre Magazine

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::Front Page::

:: Wednesday, August 02, 2006 ::

A Con-Trick Called Maria

Fifteen years ago, David Bowie announced that the playlist for his upcoming tour would be chosen by the fans and he opened up a special phoneline for people to request songs from his back catalogue. Naturally, this was abused, the NME running a campaign to get people to phone in for 'The Laughing Gnome'.

Surely How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria is ripe for the same treatment. The producers of the show claim that the public is going to be permitted to choose the actress who'll play Maria in Andrew Lloyd Webber's forthcoming revival of The Sound of Music. Really? What if the public get a fit of mischievousness and decide to vote in large numbers for a totally inappropriate candidate? Let's face it, with these shows, there is a high level of caprice visible in the voting. Throughout the various series of Big Brother anyone who looks likely to get a shag gets eliminated with the same puritan ruthlessness of Jason in the Friday the 13th franchise. Other shows have had similar peculiarities; the singing vicar who stayed in for ages, the tone-deaf Indie kid on Fame Academy, Michelle McManus, etc. In fact, it would be rather wonderful if How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria were merged with the current Big Brother, since surely - surely - we'd all like to see a Maria with Tourettes: 'Doe - a deer ('e's a man!), a female deer (hoo hoo wankers!)'. If, as is likely, Lloyd Webber and the ghastly Ian David allow only twelve interchangeable Marias into the final rounds, the public won't have much to watch. There must be televisual pressure to put a couple of eccentric figures into the finals and if that happens bets are off.

But it seems that the producers have thought of this. Because this Maria, chosen by the public, is barely going to be in it at all. Recent reports are that Scarlet Johansson was offered the role but the negotiations foundered on the Hollywood star's 'excessive demands'. Who knows what really went on but we enjoyed the report that her management team: 'couldn't understand why she would want to appear in the West End for $18,500 a week when she could be earning $10 million for a movie'. Among the demands, her representatives wanted two minders backstage at all times. Now, this is hardly a requirement of the J-Lo school (who demanded three personal chefs, a white microphone and stand, coffee stirred anti-clockwise only, the smell of gardenias everywhere she went, Egyptian cotton 250 thread count sheets, and ten rooms all decorated in white for her sixty staff - and this for her performance on Top of the Pops!). A major star probably does need a minder to keep the nutters away (though on just under £10,000 a week, you'd think she could pay for them herself). But, if we are to believe the producers, the failure of these negotiations led to the brainwave of publically auditioning for an unknown. They announced this scheme in November 2005, so why are they raking up this old story (Hollywood Actress Not Cast In Show - Exclusive!). Publicity for the show? It seems pretty rank to try to muddy Scarlet Johansson's reputation just for some free publicity, especially since it appears from the stories that the real reason that she couldn't do it was a prior filming commitment.

Unless those negotiations were more recent and Johansson was being lined up as the real star of the production. Because this is what they're doing anyway: casting a professional musical theatre actress in the part. The latest rumour is Emma Williams who opened the current production of Chitty Chitty Bang Bang as Truly Scrumptious and that she'll play two of the performances each week. This makes no sense. Why would Emma Williams take it? - unless you assume that the slated two performances for Williams and six for the unknown will quickly switch around if the public vote for the 'wrong' person. And who will do it on press night? Why would an established actress not want to do press night and get the reviews? On the other hand the producers are bound to be weighing the extra publicity and news value of having an unknown preparing for her opening night at the Palladium. Perhaps they'll do a split version for the critics: unknown in the first half, Williams in the second.

So, what do we have here? The search for an unknown is simply a publicity stunt; they're going to eliminate any wild cards in the first round; the producers are using executive privilege to put people into the next rounds who have been rejected by the judging panel; they've got a professional standing by in case it all goes Pete Tong. This is a sham, innit?

But then, to be fair, despite thousands of phone calls, on his world tour Bowie never sang 'The Laughing Gnome'.

:: posted by Theatre Worker at Wednesday, August 02, 2006

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